after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
sex in a hospital.. check
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
