I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
