My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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