Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
