I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
