What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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