K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
