sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
