The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
