Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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