I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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