one word: firstdatebathroomanal
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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