I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize