i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize