I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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