My sheets look like a crime scene.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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