I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
