I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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