No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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