i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
