Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Randomize
