They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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