Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
