real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You have to summon your inner elephant
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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