very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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