You were right. It hurts to walk today.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
