im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
