can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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