You smell like stripper and shame
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I AM VODKA MAN
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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