glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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