Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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