apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
