The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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