You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
