Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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