waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
