I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I stole a fireplace last night.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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