I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize