I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Can I color on your dick again?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize