Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
