they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
