I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
