HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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