We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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