Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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