she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
