My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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