I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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