Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
