well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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