If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
