ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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