She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
