In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize