Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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