sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
