This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
