i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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