I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
