I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
