Girls should come with a carfax report
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
