I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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