I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
