Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
