I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
