my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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