So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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