Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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