can u get pink eye on your cock?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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