fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize