is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
