Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
