Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
