I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
