She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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