we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize