Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Michael Bay diarrhea
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
