I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
