Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Is it penis luge time yet?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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