Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
