Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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