those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
