Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Drunk is not a location!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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