He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
