you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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