Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
