should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
