he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
